Negativity Leaks: Are you unknowingly giving your energy to negativity?

Stand 1 of the Nurtured Heart Approach® is Absolutely NO; I refuse to give the gift of me in exchange for negativity. Stand 1 is the first stand, because it is crucial to achieving transformation.  As long as energy and relationship are available by way of negativity, true transformation can’t take place. Today, I explore Crime Scene Investigations, CSI.

When a rule has been broken, it really doesn’t matter why…and going into detective mode to get to the bottom of it is rarely helpful. Doing so imparts great energy to the broken rule, and conveys the message that rule-breaking is a great way to get connection and relationship.

Let’s take a little closer look at how this works. Little Bobby breaks the rule of “No eating cookies before dinner.” Mom asks Bobby why he did it. Uh-oh, Mom, prepare to be drawn in to a long discussion where Bobby makes excuses and rationalizes his rule-breaking. It might go like this:

Bobby says: “Sorry mom, I was really hungry.”

Mom says: “Well you know Bobby, that you have to have a healthy snack if you need something to eat before dinner.”

Bobby: “Sorry mom, I forgot.”

Did Bobby really forget? I doubt it and mom does too, and now she’s going to have a hard time not challenging him: “Bobby, this is the 3rd time this week this has happened. You’re a smart boy, I don’t believe that you forgot. I guess maybe we just can’t have cookies in this house any more until you learn to control yourself!”

Or Bobby might claim: 

“Sorry mom, I couldn’t find anything.” 

This one is especially good for getting more of mom’s energy, because now she will feel obligated to remind Bobby of all the healthy options she has in the house. Bobby has effectively side-stepped responsibility for breaking the rule and lured mom into reminding him of all the better choices he could have made. 

I’m sure that you can think of a lot of other excuses Bobby might make when confronted about why he has broken the rule, and I think you can also see that no matter what answer he gives, Mom is going to feel the need to respond. There really is no way to conduct a CSI that doesn’t end up in relationship energy being exchanged as a reward for breaking the rule.

So what should you do when a rule has been broken? Keep your consequences clean, unenergized, and brief, and remember that the reason the rule was broken is far less important than the message that breaking rules no longer provides excitement, energy or connectedness.

Beginning to wonder if maybe you’re leaking negativity? Want some help figuring that out? With the right coaching, anyone can learn to catch themselves when they are leaking negativity. Email me today to see how I can help!