Continuing my exploration of Negativity Leaks.  Remember that a Negativity Leak is anything you do that has your energy flowing in the direction of what you don’t want more of. Today we’re going to look at Un-Pure Motives.

What do I mean by that? What is an un-pure motive? Put most simply, in Nurtured Heart Approach® practice, we give recognitions with the intention of building Inner Wealth™. We control the flow of our energy towards what we want to see more of, and un-plug that energy from what we don’t. Whenever the motive behind our action is anything other than growing Inner Wealth, no matter which stand we think we are deploying, we are, in fact, actually energizing negativity.

Let’s go a little bit deeper, because this can be tricky. Imagine that little Suzy is having a fit. If you are able to see this as an opportunity to help Suzy see and grow her ability to self-regulate, you will be primed to watch, wait, and congratulate her on her Baby Steps toward that important skill. If she’s really worked up, the furthest you may be able to get today is letting her know that you see her and see her frustration. This will be okay with you, because your motivation is to grow Suzy’s Inner Wealth. You’ll know that you and Suzy have work to do in this area, and you’ll be ready to energize whatever aspects of self-regulation Suzy shows in the coming days, no matter how small. 

If, on the other hand, Suzy begins getting worked up for a fit, and your motivation is to STOP THE FIT, you are energizing negativity. How so? It’s all about the energy.  So if you are really, really wanting the fit to stop, whether it’s because you just really don’t like hearing it, (and some of us adults have very good reasons for having a hard time dealing with this sort of behavior), OR you’re afraid it’s disturbing the neighbors, OR  you’re worried about how you look to your relatives at the holiday dinner, OR….. any of the other reasons we well-intentioned parents want our kids to NOT THROW FITS, Suzy will perceive the energy of your angst, and will rightly interpret that the way to get your energy directed at her is through amplified fit-throwing.

Another example of how we can be leaking negativity through wrong motives is in the area of clarity of rules and consequences. Absolutely, be clear on what your rules and boundaries are. Be committed to the unceremonious, unenergized consequence every time a rule is broken. Just don’t go down the path of trying to design the perfect rules and consequences that will prevent rule-breaking. The truth of the matter is, you can’t stop anyone from breaking a rule, and they know it. When you fall into the trap of trying to out maneuver your kids (or spouse, employees, or anyone else for that matter)  and prevent them from breaking a rule, your motive is wrong…… you are giving energy to your FEAR around them breaking that rule.

So to sum it up, check your motives. Are they pure? Are you only looking to find what’s right and grow it? Or are you also trying to control something or someone besides yourself? If the answer to the second question is yes, it’s time for you to work on resetting yourself before you go to work on anyone else.

Resetting ourselves is hard work! Need some help learning how to do it more effectively so you can stop leaking negativity? Contact me today to see how I can help.